Chad is an occasional contributor to Onward State. Check out his other posts for some context on just who he is.

Hello to all of my loyal readers! Man, it sure has been a while since I last blogged! Sorry about that. It’s a long, crazy story. Let’s just say I “binge drank for 6 months” or something like that. Yeah, that’ll do.

So tonight I went out to Eisenhower Auditorium to see the Dizzy Gillespie All Star Big Band. One of my bros told me that they were a hip hop group of sorts. After all, Dizzy Gillespie sounds like a rapper’s name, and I sure do love me some hip hop to get some “street cred” with the bros and the ladies! Turns out I was dreadfully, dreadfully wrong.

When the show started, a whole bunch of dudes in tuxedos came out holding all sorts of instruments that I didn’t recognize. Tubas? Oboes? Trumpets? It’s all the same to me. Then the leader of the group came out. I assumed he was Dizzy Gillespie the rapper, since he dressed very sharply and kind of looked like Kanye West. Nope! Turns out Dizzy Gillespie was some Jazz dude who died over 15 years ago, and this is a band playing tribute to him. I nearly cried!

“Oh well,” I thought, “Dave Matthews and Phish can be pretty jazzy. Maybe this won’t be so bad!” Again, I was wrong. The show was such a bore. The band just kept playing and playing and playing. They had an electric guitar player too, but not ONCE did he lay out a sick jam with a wah pedal! And they had the audacity to call themselves jazz! I nearly threw my upside down backwards visor to the ground in rage. But I stayed, because the girl singer that was with them was hot.

Overall, the night was a huge disappointment. If you want some classic jazz, check out my main man Kenny G, not this borefest. You know why they called him Dizzy Gillespie? I don’t, but they should have called him Boring Gillespie. Am I right, or am I right?

Oh well, next time I’ll look up this “Dizzy Gillespie” fellow before I go to his tribute concert. Until next time, stay cool, bros!