Canyon Pizza and Gumby’s Pizza are both State College late night staples. There’s not much to say about either — both are relatively cheap and both will satisfy your late night drunchies. But that’s not stopping self-proclaimed food critics on Yelp, the popular rating app, from sharing their unbridled opinions with all who will take the time to read them.

Needless to say, we took the time to read them. Expecting comedic gold, we searched for the best Yelp had to offer on our favorite three-star pizza joints. Hopefully, the meaningful words of strangers can help settle the pokey stix vs. one dollar slice debate. If not, at least it will provide some laughs.

Canyon Pizza

At least we finally have an answer to the age-old question, “Would you rather eat Canyon Pizza or change a diaper?”

Down with the pretentious pizza elites! Viva la canyon.

Finally, a realist.

Nothing goes together better than Canyon Pizza and a hazy recollection of last night.

Gumby’s Pizza

In case you were wondering, there is a drink minimum for pokey stix.

Okay, this HAS to be a record. But just so we’re clear, hot sauce and ranch is the correct Pokey sauce combo.

Pokey stix: a haiku.

Those Ivy League losers wouldn’t know good drunk food if it hit them in the face.