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Power Ranking Penn State Sororities’ ‘Greek Rank’ Comments

Ah, Greek Rank. The website where anyone from anywhere can write reviews of girls and guys they’ve never met and judge them based on their Greek life affiliations. What a beautiful thing!

Thousands of students are involved with Greek life at Penn State, and it sure comes with a lot of criticism. Naturally, we power-ranked the best and worst comments written on the website about Penn State sororities, and they’re…certainly something.

Here are a few of the best, most interesting, and most confusing anonymous comments left on Penn State’s sororities.

12. ‘No they are not

This comment for Sigma Sigma Sigma came in at No. 12 because of its brutally vague nature. No explanation! They aren’t what? We’re scratching our heads here!

11. ‘They’re the reason the Willard Preacher exists!

This Zeta Tau Alpha comment ranks pretty low because this makes the least sense out of all of these, and that’s saying something. Believe it or not, the Willard Preacher’s life’s work is not solely yelling at ZTA members on campus.

10. ‘Chi O still are the prettiesy.

The misspelling here is poetry, but the reference to another sorority makes me think that maybe this should’ve been left on that sorority’s page instead of Gamma Phi Beta’s. Just a thought.

9. ‘A bunch of buck teethed nymphs.

This had a whopping 16 likes! However, it’s getting ranked fairly low because it’s not very creative. Pi Beta Phi truly deserved a more thought-out description from user “GREEK LIFE 4 ME” than this.

8. ‘Absolutely foul.’

The simplicity here is beautiful but leaves you with a mystery and longing for an answer. Honestly, Delta Gamma, we’re envious of this comment’s mastery.

7. “They get really sweaty at parties and don’t talk to people, have a weird smell.”

Horribly mean but also funny because…what? Like, seriously, what? Kappa Alpha Theta, you deserved better than this. Maybe just double-check the deodorant at pregames, though.

6. ‘If you feel judged by any of the girls in this sorority u might need to reflect on yourself bc they’re literally basic and harmless.

Yeah, this ranks up there for the ol’ backhanded compliment. Although, is it even backhanded? This anonymous user gave a “middle tier” rating but also insulted the girls they were defending. Interesting tactic. Delta Phi Epsilon, congrats on being harmless…we think?

5. ‘They smell like feet.

This user called themselves “Footsy” as they insulted Alpha Delta Pi’s members for smelling like feet. Although, maybe it wasn’t an insult if that’s their thing…

4. ‘A girl in Pi Phi FARTED while I was talking to her during house tours. I think this just goes to show what kind of organization this is and what their values are.

This obviously deserved a higher rank. Not only did this user write this comment about Pi Beta Phi, which speaks for itself, but they also still rated it in the top tier. Do with that what you will.

3. ‘Will always be a solid, upper tier. May have slipped a bit in terms of social status in recent years but that’s all made up and arbitrary anyway…

This rank for Zeta Tau Alpha grabbed the bronze. The self-aware nature of this comment makes it true art. The acknowledgment of made-up tier systems while also identifying a tier and writing on a website about it –– truly something that can’t be replicated!

2. ‘They are kinda annoying but nice girls, they don’t really go out a lot so I was nervous when I got them. So far kind of a let down but still excited.’

Near perfect purely because this is allegedly written by a new member of Alpha Xi Delta, which is fantastic. Also, they ranked their own sorority “bottom tier,” which also has a certain je nais sais quoi to it.

1. “No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No No…”

Poetry.

Our favorite comment on Penn State’s Greek Rank is a wonderful accomplishment here for Alpha Xi Delta’s page. So profound! So eloquent!

Honorable Mentions

  • “i wouldn’t let them near my home.”
  • They’re always on facebook.”
  • Waiting on real rankings.”

The last one is purely because everyone on this site had a weird obsession with assuming all good comments were “self ranks.”

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About the Author

Caitlin Burns

Caitlin is a junior majoring in English. She watches Dance Moms from the beginning three times a year and thinks she's a barista because she can make one drink from Starbucks. You can usually find her playing Mario Kart and getting unreasonably angry when she gets sidelined in battles. You can contact her at cmb7473@psu.edu.

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