In a startling move, Penn State President Graham Spanier auctioned off the rights to the Alma Mater this morning. The highest bidder was renowned STD collector and 3rd grade spelling bee runner-up, Ke$ha. Ke$ha has rewritten the Alma Mater and named her creation “Eye <3 P$V.” It is currently available for purchase on iTunes.
"ARE YOU AWARE?" It's the question that has been asked to thousands of Penn State students this week via chalk messages and flyers across campus, yet we are unsure how to answer with anything other than "of what?".
Formal is approaching, stress is paired with anxiety so Lauren and Ariel need dates. Apply now to escort one of these ladies to their sorority spring formals.
You may have noticed a man walking around campus in a funny outfit today, or in past years, playing the bagpipe. While this would be considered quite bizarre on 364 days of the year, today is Saint Patrick's Day, and nothing evokes that feisty Irish spirit like a jig-worthy bagpipe ditty.
Patrick Salmon, a junior majoring in Energy Engineering has sported this Gaelic outfit every St. Paddy's day for three years. Salmon is a member of the Irish Culture Society back in his hometown of Scranton, PA. Learn more about the student behind this act, and watch a video of him performing a song just for Onward State!
In a shocking twist, Penn State will actually not be getting as much money as initially hoped from the state. Many rich people associated with the university consider this the end of the world and expect people other than themselves to suffer because of it. With the budget cuts looming on the horizon, it is very likely that the university will resort to drastic measures to make up for the losses. Remember, we’re only talking drastic here. Increasing tuition is the PSU administration equivalent of showering.
As most of you probably know, next week is Spring Break week. If you’re the typical hardworking Penn State student, you left last Friday.
Before saying goodbye to Penn State and paying hundreds of dollars to get drunk not in Pennsylvania, you should consider where exactly you want to go. Or more importantly, where you definitely DON’T want to go.